orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

nazipervert:

"I’ll just leave that there"

damn homie just ripped his arm off and walked away that is some hardcore shit right there

orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

nazipervert:

"I’ll just leave that there"

damn homie just ripped his arm off and walked away that is some hardcore shit right there

person: wow you drink so much water, you're so healthy!!
me: i cry so much i gotta stay hydrated

sosa-parks:

Broke niggas always wanna argue , nigga u aint eat all day where’s all dis energy comin from smh

breakingbag:

yes hello this is your pilot speaking and by pilot i mean i read a wikihow on flying a plane once so i guess ill just have to WING it haha just a little pilot humor okie dokie nothing to worry about folks im sure i can figure this out

youngstero:

my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia

the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom

lvysaur:

osamah:

lvysaur:

i could use a good laugh

haha

thanks

flairey:

my officemates and i were arguing about the difference between a mouse and a rat so i googled it
and there we go
the difference is a rat plays jazz

flairey:

my officemates and i were arguing about the difference between a mouse and a rat so i googled it

and there we go

the difference is a rat plays jazz

gay kid: hey i like your shoes
straight boy: haha thanks but im straight

tsunamiwavesurfing:

i seen someone on here say “daddy spank me like an almost empty ketchup bottle” and since then i just been usin a knife to get the sauce out the bottle

painfullysane:

do your eyes ever randomly go out of focus and then you are too lazy to focus them back in and just stare at nothing for a while

recoffthevine:

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING BUT IT WASN’T THAT

cyberlocc:

but do aliens believe in me….

monochromatose:

babyminaj:

too good

nO BUT WHAT IF YOU HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND YOU MAILED THEM THIS CARD AND PUT A PLANE TICKET INSIDE HOW FUCKING CUTE WOULD THAT BE

monochromatose:

babyminaj:

too good

nO BUT WHAT IF YOU HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND YOU MAILED THEM THIS CARD AND PUT A PLANE TICKET INSIDE HOW FUCKING CUTE WOULD THAT BE

gumiappendsweet:

arpeggiosmelody:

candlelion:

you can tack on “and dragons” after any title and it’ll be 900% better

Dungeons & Dragons and Dragons

that’s TWICE the dragons, you literally cannot go wrong with this